Dad: "There's something that I've been wondering all day. Son, why do you have a sword in your car?"
Me: "That's a katana."
Dad: "...was that supposed to be an answer?"
Unknown "Car ninja" Purring - 16 years, 3 months, 29 days ago

Aaron: "If you lived in the middle ages, what would you be?"
Me: "A badass."
Aaron: "What job title would that be, exactly?"
Me: "I dunno, Village Badass?"
Unknown "Car ninja" Purring - 16 years, 3 months, 29 days ago

When I was in second grade, I got bored during recess and decided I would climb the side of my school. It was made of brick and every few rows of bricks was indented slightly, which was enough of a hold for my feet and hands at the time. And so, I began to climb. I got up just above the second story windows by the time a teacher noticed me, and yelled for me to get down right that instant. Being the clever young man that I was, I promptly let go, falling the entire way and landing flat on my back on the blacktop. I got up and dusted myself off and was pretty convinced I was fine. Years later, I would be informed by a doctor that I had scoliosis and was asked if I had ever suffered any trauma to my back.

I hate it when things like that take forever to catch up to you...
Unknown "Car ninja" Purring - 16 years, 3 months, 29 days ago

A couple years ago, a friend of mine named Betts and I were on our way to Pittsburgh to check out a college. We were heading down the interstate and decided to take this one exit to grab some food at a Burger King. As we were talking and heading off the exit, we ended up behind a garbage truck. Betts suddenly stared at the truck for a minute, and then informed me that it looked as though there was a human foot hanging out the back.

Now, around this time, I didn't have any glasses or contacts, and as such couldn't see very well. I could make out that it had roughly the shape of a foot, but had no way to know for sure. So we followed it for about three miles, waiting for a red light so I could get out and take a closer look. Betts was certain it was one, so I told him that if he was sure, he should call the cops as he had a cell phone and I didn't. He hesitated, waiting for verification.

We finally came to a red light and I jumped out of the car, ran up, and took a closer look. I was at that point convinced that it was, indeed, a real foot. I signalled to Betts to call the police, then ran up to the front of the truck.

"Excuse me, sir," I said. He looked out the open window.
"Yes?"
"This may sound a bit odd, but there appears to be a foot hanging out the back of your truck."
"...A foot?"
"Yes."
"What kind of foot?"
"Human."
"Are you sure?"
"Well, I'm not a doctor, but I'm fairly certain."
"Oh. Okay."

At that point, the light turned green and he drove off. I got back to the car, but by this point he had turned down a side road and I'd lost sight of him. Betts informed me that he had not called the police because he was afraid they'd get here and find it to be fake and yell at us. Having not thought to write down the license plate, and not knowing where the truck was, we realized we had no choice but to turn back. We finally hit up the Burger King and had to call ahead to the school to explain why we were late for our meeting. They seemed doubtful of our story, but let us slide anyway.
Unknown "Car ninja" Purring - 16 years, 7 months, 7 days ago