I saw this in some hot chick's profile, Why not?

If you had me alone...locked up in your room for twenty-four (24) hours and we could do whatever you wanted...what would you do with me?
Tel me in my inbox...because it's a secret...
Then post this in your tales or comments... You might be surprised with the responses you get. They could make you laugh or even smile...
Unknown "Paul Averitt" Frisky - 16 years, 8 months, 17 days ago

In the suburbs of Adelaide (the undisputed cannabis capital of Australia) sleeping residents were awakened by a resounding explosion. A smoking hole was found in a neighbor's backyard, still reeking of the pungent odor of marijuana. Police found the remains of a man at the bottom of the hole.

They learned that the deceased had setup a hidden hydroponic system in a large water tank buried in his backyard. He used a CO2 generator -- a small flame from a butane gas bottle -- to improve plant growth. On this particular evening, the man had climbed down into his garden paradise, only to find that the flame had gone out. Without knowing how many days the gas had been leaking into his, er, bomb, he re-lit the flame.

--Beautiful--
Unknown "Paul Averitt" Frisky - 16 years, 8 months, 17 days ago

Just the other week, my owner decided to go on a vacation. I knew, because of the heightened activity in the house. That and all the suitcases she was getting out of the closet. So, I tried to tell her I wanted to go with and I'd be a good little boy and not run away, but she explained that I'd be staying at home alone. When she got distracted later, I tried to hide in her suitcase. But of course when she went to zip it up, she took me out. So I tried getting in her way the entire time. I just wanted to go with her, right? She kept moving me out of the way. Women are just so dense!

So she's finally all packed up and ready to go. So I stand by the door in hopes she'll finally figure out I just want to be with her. No, she moves me out of the way with her fucking shoe! What on earth? So anyway, she finishes packing her car and comes back up and gives me a kiss. She finally lets me know that her friend is coming over to take care of me and she's really cute and so is her cat! Apparently, she set up a play date for me! Yay! Why she didn't get me a bottle of wine to go with this cute little kitty, I have no idea. At least I have a distraction while she's gone though. Don't worry. I'll just knock one of the bottles off of her wine rack. She won't mind. I'll just act really happy to see her when she gets home. The worst I'll get is sprayed with a water gun. It's really funny to watch her try to find it when I do something bad.

Anyway, I'm still waiting for her to get back. She'll probably be home tomorrow. Maybe she'll bring me a little kitten to train! Two of us to piss her off would be awesome! I love my woman! She's totally amazing!
Unknown "Paul Averitt" Frisky - 16 years, 9 months, 10 days ago

My owner says I'm bad and beats my with newspapers. (Don't tell her, but I kinda like it!)
Sometimes she ignores me. So I like to jump up on my owner's lap and make sure no books are read. Then she'll throw me across the room. At this point I like to tear off across the room and run right by her head several times. This usually makes her really mad. Occasionally she'll throw books or keys at me. Oooh! Then there was this one time she threw a pipe at me. But that was because she was too high to get up and hit me. I laughed when it hit the ground and shattered. Her face was priceless! Stupid stoner.

Usually when she's not here, I'll curl up on the couch where she usually sits. Occasionally I'll get up and go pee on the headboard of her bed. She never can figure out why her bedroom always smells like ammonia. But then again, she's usually too drunk to care. Speaking of drunk, last May fifth, she was drinking tequila and passed out in the living room. But she forgot to pick up the baking soda on the table. But it wasn't like regular baking soda. It must've been new because it made my whole head numb. It made me a reallllly hyper asshole too. So I shat on the table, pissed on the kitchen counter and ate one of their shoes. But not before breaking the bottle of tequila and licking most of it off of the floor. She thought she was fucked up. I woke up the next day on top of her ceiling fan.

But my owner really loves me. Almost as much as I love to eat those little bags of oregano she tries to hide from me. God! It's like she thinks I don't have a nose.
Unknown "Paul Averitt" Frisky - 16 years, 9 months, 29 days ago

Once upon a time, when beast walked with cavemen, there lived my ancestor the saber-toothed snow leopard! A frightful beast indeed. For even when he smiled the only thing you might see were his blood stained teeth. He was as hungry as he was stealthy, because he was not fast enough to catch the tallest birds nor the biggest beasts. Soon he hunted everything small enough to eat and set out for more populated lands.

He soon smelled something awful in the air. As he slowly crept towards the peculiar smell, he began to hear a soft reptilian snore. He quickly realized that sneaking about would be pointless because he could be upon the creature before it woke up. He proudly trotted up for the kill. However, upon seeing the Monitor Lizard sleeping on it's back with a big smile, he needed to know what made him so very unconcerned. After what can only be described as a rude awakening, the lizard happily obliged and showed the Saber-Toothed Snow Leopard a clearing not far off. As soon as he stepped into the magical forest of catnip, he looked at the Mr. Onitor and said this: "This is why you are so happy? Well, my friend eat your fill for it shall be your last meal. It was this plant that made me unable to catch the large birds of prey and too lethargic to catch the big beasts of the land. I'll eat you when you care no more of death!"

The moral of this story is two-fold:
Never trust Saber-Toothed Snow Leopards with blood-stained teeth.
Never show anyone where your stash is.
Unknown "Paul Averitt" Frisky - 16 years, 10 months, 1 day ago