This is a tale I wrote because of an auction win. The auction winner recieved four items to go with their tale, which sadly cannot be reproduced within the tales section. Such is life.

Harken and listen to the tale of Pshyphon Javaguru and how it is that he discovered his secret inheritance. Once upon a time he was performing his usual activities of filling in for superman, batman and wolverine (they had a poker evening) when he recieved a letter. Sadly this letter put a stop to his heroism as he discovered the melodramatic death of his parents that had drove him to a life of vigilanteeism was not as it seemed:

You have been given Adoption notice.

Seeking to know the truth behind his parentage he searched o'er the world for his parents. From the saharrah desert to the artic tundra he searched. From volcanoes to fissues to milton keynes (which he REALLY regretted) Eventually he discovered the diamond dojo where his real father lay on his death bed. Reunited at last his father finally left in peace and passed on to his son his inheritance:

You have been given: your own NINJA army

Going from one man superhero to the commander of an army of ninjas (which he had never seen, but that's how he knew they were there) was a tough step. He went to all of the ninja commander parties and clubs and there fell in with a bad crowd. Shortly he lost his way and started listening to the suggestion of those mammals that would be the secret rulers of the world, eventually they made him an offer that he could not refuse:

You have been given An Invite To Take Over The World
(note: this item depicted pinky and the brain)

As the brain suggested he moved his ninja army into the artic circle and threatened to katana the icebergs, raising the oceans to engulf whole nations! Worried that katanas can slice through anything the world govornment (and America who refused to take part in any helpfull coalition) surrendered. The mice stepped forwards to take their throne, but the ninjas were gone! Left with nowhere to go the evil mice froze in the artic. Meanwhile Pshyphon ruled the world benignly, helping all who needed it and ushering in a new golden age.

The End.

You have been given: a happily after after
(No I didn't spot the shopkeepers error until too late)
Unknown "Zombie Overlord" - 16 years, 11 months, 4 days ago

This tale is from a lecture, it probably never happened, which in no way makes it less usefull :)

A lecturer placed a jar on his desk and asked his students "Is this jar full?"
"No" replied the students

He filled it with golf balls and asked "Is it full now?"
"Yes" replied the students

He then poured beans between the holes left by the golf balls "What about now?"
"Yes" replied the students

He produced a jar of sand and poured it to fill the gaps left by the beans "And now?"
"Yes, it's completely full" replied the students

He then took a tea bag and balanced it carefully upon the jar of balls and beans and sand.
"What is the point of this?" asked a student, finally losing patience

"This jar represents your life" replied the professor "The balls represent everything that is truely important. The state of your friendships. Your health. The beans represent things that are not central to a good life, but are important to maintain, such as your job or your car. The sand represents all of the little day to day things, a certain deadline, a particular annoyance."

"What's your point?" queried the student

"It would have been possible to fill the jar with sand first. Or to put in the beans before the balls. But that would've left no more space for the balls. The thing to learn from this is to concern yourself first with what is truely important before worrying about more minor problems, because if you fill your days with those you will soon find that the life waiting for you once you solve them is worth little."

Most of the students were satisfied, but one noticed something had still gone unexplained and asked "What about the teabag?"

"Ahh" said the professor "That is the most important thing. That we can balance a teabag on the jar, even when it appears completely full, tells us that no matter what is going on in life, no matter how busy you think you are, there is always time to have a cup of tea with an old friend"
Unknown "Zombie Overlord" - 16 years, 11 months, 8 days ago