A man comes home from work. When he opens the door, he sees his wife standing there dressed in a very sexy outfit.
She hands him some rope and says " tie me up and do whatever you want".

So he tied her up and went hunting!

Unknown "Desired Dragon" - 15 years, 2 months, 20 days ago

Saw this and thought it was cute made me think of my Daughter she did something like this .


TO: MR. JAMES THATCHER

BRAND MANAGER, PROCTER & GAMBLE

Dear Mr. Thatcher

I have been a loyal user of your Always maxi pads for over 20 years, and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core(tm) or Dri-Weave(tm) absorbency, I'd probably never go horse riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from
"the curse"? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my "time of the month" is
starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call "an inbred hillbilly with knife skills." Isn't the human body amazing?

As brand manager in the feminine-hygiene division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers' monthly visits from Aunt Flo Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying and out-of-control behavior. You surely realise it's a tough time for most women In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps.

Crazy! The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that the UK is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in capri pants. Which brings me to the reason for my letter.

Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: "Have a Happy Period."

Are you *+*#*ing kidding me?

What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness - is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable?

Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything "happy" about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Nurofen and Kahlúa and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Tesco's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory. For the love of God, pull your head out, man. If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like "Put Down the Hammer" or "Vehicular Manslaughter Is Wrong"?- Or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your accounting department that, effective immediately, there will be an $25 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flexi-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullshit. And that's a promise I will keep.


Always.

Best,

Unknown "Desired Dragon" - 15 years, 2 months, 20 days ago

when you can't kiss and tell?!

Does anyone else find that when they do something naughty and get away with it they want to tell people?

As in the style of exhibitionism where you could get caught but see how much you can get away with before you do. Like if you were parked in a parking lot on the corner of a busy intersection in broad daylight and did a few things that would raise some eyebrows or maybe even the traffic cop's attention if they were noticed...

Is it better to keep such adventures to yourself? Does it make it more 'special', or does this sort of edginess sort of call for telling people about it? Does it make it more exciting to tell people what you got away with? Is it more for the shock value, or does it actually ADD to the experience?

Unknown "Desired Dragon" - 15 years, 2 months, 20 days ago

re post,
To all my fishing (and other) friends. This is one of the better redneck tales.
Redneck vs govt

A redneck was stopped by a game warden in Kentucky recently with an ice chest of fish. He was leaving a cove well known for its fishing. The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?"

"Naw, sir, I ain't got none of them there licenses, no. You mustunderstand these here are my pet fish."

"Pet fish?" said the game warden.

"Ya. Every night I take these here fish down to da lake and let them swim 'round for a while. Then I whistle and they jump rat back into this here ice chest and I take them home."

"That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that!" says the warden.

The redneck looked at the game warden for a moment and then said,"It's the truth Mr.Government man, I'll show you. It really works."

"Okay," said the game warden, " I've GOT to see this!"

The redneck poured the fish into the lake and stood and waited.

After several minutes, the game warden turned to him and said, "Well?"

"Well, what?" said the redneck.

The warden said, "When are you going to call them back?"

The redneck said, "Call who back?"

"The FISH!" replied the warden.

"What fish?" answered the redneck.

We in Kentucky may not be as smart as some city slickers, but we aren't as dumb as most government employees

--
"Some people go through life wondering if they've made a difference. Soldiers don't have that problem."

Unknown "Desired Dragon" - 15 years, 2 months, 20 days ago

One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut he asked about his bill and the barber replies, "I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week." The florist was pleased and left the shop.

When the barber goes to open his shop the next morning there is a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replies, "I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week." The cop is happy and leaves the shop.

The next morning when the barber goes to open up there is a 'thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Later that day, a college professor comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replies, "I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week. " The professor is very happy and leaves the shop.

The next morning when the barber opens his shop, there is a 'thank you card and a dozen different books, such as "How to Improve Your Business" and "Becoming More Successful."

Then, a Congressman comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies, "I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week." The Congressman is very happy and leaves the shop.

The next morning when the barber goes to open up, there are a dozen Congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut.

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the members of our Congress

--
"Some people go through life wondering if they've made a difference. Soldiers don't have that problem."

Unknown "Desired Dragon" - 15 years, 2 months, 20 days ago