The Wisdom of Buck:
Buck Laughlin: Excuse me if this off the subject a little bit, but just take a guess at how much I can bench press. Come on, what do you think? Take a guess. 315 pounds, at the top of my game, maxing out at 500!
Buck Laughlin: Now tell me, which one of these dogs would you want to have as your wide receiver on your football team?
Buck Laughlin: Tell me, do you know the difference between a rectal thermometer and a tongue depressor?
Nurse: Uh, no.
Buck Laughlin: Remind me never to come to you for a physical!
Buck Laughlin: [as the hound judge examines a Borzoi] Now that looks like a fast dog. Is that faster than a greyhound?
Trevor Beckwith: Uhh... I can't really say...
Buck Laughlin: If you put them in a race, who would come in first? You know if you had a little jockey on them, going like this
[imitates jockeys hitting the side of the horse]
Buck Laughlin: Doctor, question that's always bothered me and a lot of people: Mayflower, combined with Philadelphia - a no-brainer, right? Cause this is where the Mayflower landed. Not so. It turns out Columbus actually set foot somewhere down in the West Indies. Little known fact.
Buck Laughlin: And to think that in some countries these dogs are eaten.
Buck Laughlin: I went to one of those obedience places once... it was all going well until they spilled hot candle wax on my private parts.
Buck Laughlin: I'd hate to go on a date with Judge Edie Franklin and have her judge me, that'd be no fun.
Buck Laughlin: I don't think I could ever get used to being poked and prodded like that. I told my proctologist one time, "Why don't you take me out to dinner and a movie sometime?"
Trevor Beckwith: Yes, I remember you said that last year.
Buck Laughlin: Am I nuts? Something's wrong with his feet.
Trevor Beckwith: I never thought I'd find myself saying this, but you're right.
Buck Laughlin: He's got two left feet.
Buck Laughlin: [after Beatrice the dog jumps up on the show judge] He went for her like she's made outta ham.
Trevor Beckwith: [as Scott enters with Agnes the Shih Tzu] And now we have the toy, the Shih Tzu is coming, and here is, uh, Scott Donlan.
Buck Laughlin: Look at Scott! He is prancing along with the dog! Man, I tell you something, if you live in my neighborhood and you're dressed like that, you'd better be a hotel doorman.
Unknown "Swing Shift Hero"
- 16 years, 5 months, 11 days ago
