IM GETTING SURGERY!!!! IN TWO WEEKS!!! HOLY SHIT TWO WEEKS!!!

i cant believe it..


march 12th ill be going under the knife..


my lifes changing....


=]
Unknown "Mai Sister" Nervous - 15 years, 9 months, 12 days ago

and so the days get closer....
maybe only one or two of you know...
which are laurette and possibly ant...


but for those who dont..


the day i lost my baby is getting closer and closer and im growing weaker and weaker.

april 24th 2008, i was only almost 9 weeks pregnant...
and i lost my baby.
it started at 11pm april the 23rd... i was bleeding worse then what i had been all day.
shortly after about ten till 12am....i started cramping...

however i thought it was normal to lightly bleed...so thru the day i was fine.
i was rubbing my tummy and happy of what i was about to bring into the world.

but that night...
man that night i new something was wrong.

i asked everyone i could...

then i woke my mom up...


she explained i could of been having a threatened miscarrage...

i didnt want it to be true...



so off to the ER we went..
thank god its only right up the street..

i was hurting bad.
i never new cramping could be that bad.

we got to the ER and i had to wait...
i have a serious problem and i had to fucking wait...

oh sure when i ODed a few years ago they took me right in...

but im in pain bleeding everywhere and your telling me to wait...

well after waiting for 30 minutes.
i was seen..

they did a vaginal ultrasound and a tummy one..

BOTH showed NOTHING...
the whole room was quiet too just listening and waiting to hear that little heart...

i kept getting up and down trying to pee...
when i didnt...

it just felt like i did...
and the dr kept coming into the bath room asking if theres any "body parts" coming out.

i cryed and told her to get the fuck out.

i prayed....
i prayed so hard asking god not to take my baby away...

well what happen next was..
i got up and blood pored...

so i had to go lay down...
and i was given two vicodine for pain and a sanitary pad for bleeding...

got home around 4am..
i litterly looked chuck [my moms boyfriend] in his eyes and i said if i fall asleep come in and check on me to make sure i am still alive...
it was the drugs talking not me..
i didnt get to sleep till about 9am..
i dont remember the hours just laying there helpless...
but at 1pm exactly i got up...
and went pee...

what i saw just killed me...
like my heart litterly got a chunk taken out and flushed down the potty...

i saw there...laying in the sanitary pad...blood and my baby [which was in the sac btw]


i screamed and ran out side...
i was so distrought i did forget to pull up my pants but who cares!!!
my baby was in my hand

who would think to pull up there pants..

"wait right here baby while i pull my pants up and then run and scream"


yeah right...



but i ran outside to mom who was cutting grass...

she saw me...pantless....came over yellin but then asked me what was wrong and i showed her...

she sat me down [after she pulled my pants up]
and conforted me and so on...


then we talked and knowing me..i was curious..
i poked around...

once i hit that hard spot in the sac which was [........................................] that long.....
i died all over again...

it was my baby...

my baby died..

it was suppose to be born on december 6th 2008.

what i dont get is i was so ready for this.
i had things planned and stuff already bought...
i was just ready to be a mom...


but something took it away...

i just found out recently that crohn's disease...
when people have flare ups or inflamation...
it can effect pregnancys...
a low precentage but i was in the low precentage...

this is why i hate my body...
it takes away the happy things in life.

i thought to myself when it happened..

happy fucking birthday kaytee...
heres your early present...
a dead baby..

see what im upset with the most..
is i will never know if it was a boy or girl..
i would never know what the heartbeat sounds like...
i will never see the bight eyed baby on december 6th...


but rather it be a boy or girl...
i named it angel.





and you ask where was the dad thru all this...

sleeping...cuz work to him was much more important then the loss of his baby...


in other news thou...the two year anniversary of when i watched my grandma die is coming up...
feburary 27th 2009...gosh i miss her..
she was amazing...
but ill never forget holding her hand as she took her last breath....
-sigh-

everyone tells me to be happy and i cant.
to much phsycological shit has happen to me..

my mentality and emotions are screwed up all to hell..

ill never be that bright blue eyed girl who was so cheery..
ever..

i hope theres not tornado this year like last year...
shit..

after my baby died i simply said "could anything worse happen" guess what..
it did..

tornado days later..
on my birthday...

so lets see the checklist of things i got for my bday..

lost baby before the day...check..
tornado on the day...check..

happyness...negative...



i am glad for ppl who have great lives thou...
makes me happy to see others happy...



but why does the world crash on my shoulders..
i am to sweet of a kid to deal with this...


you see all these 15 year olds walking around not taking care of there kids

i had a heart full of love...
and i was ready...
all i was doing was waiting for that day..

but no.


someone whos actually ready for the big responsiblilty cant have one...
but a immature 15 year old only wanting to party or have a baby as a assessory can...


rediculous.
Unknown "Mai Sister" Nervous - 15 years, 9 months, 22 days ago

well today i got a call from my surgeon.
she told me the results about my CT scan.

all i know is i am in tears...


ok. so she said she saw the inflammation down in my right lower side.
i said yeah i know. i have been told for years that was there...


but then she threw this at me "it also appears to be some inflammation [smart word she used but in other words] in the tube that connects to your stomach.

now knowing me.
i am thinking the worse case...
cancer...


but lets hope not.
hopefully this endoscopy i am getting will confirm its nothing.

i hope it was a false reading..
i DO NOT need other problems..
i really dont.


im shaking so bad..

this just sucks..


but i am making an apt to talk to the dr about surgery proticalls and how long i will be in the hospital and such.


good day.
Unknown "Mai Sister" Nervous - 15 years, 10 months, 2 days ago

If you had me alone.. Locked up in your room for twenty-four hours and we could do whatever you wanted, what would you do with me?

Tell me in my Inbox, Cuz its a secret ...

Then repost this in your tale or comment section. You might be surprised with the responses you get. They could make you laugh or even smile (or something else all together!).
Unknown "Mai Sister" Nervous - 15 years, 10 months, 10 days ago

well, great nows!! i am getting surgery to get a fresh start and start over and feel better. i am super excited. =]


Removal of Portions of the Intestines (Resection)
If a stricture is long, or there are multiple strictures close to one another, it may be necessary to remove the affected section of the intestine. This is called a resection. The two ends of healthy intestine are then joined together in a procedure called anastomosis.

A bowel resection may offer patients many years of symptom relief. However, the disease can recur at or near the site of the anastomosis.

Disease Recurrence after Surgery

* About 50 percent of adult patients will have a recurrence of symptomatic Crohn's disease within five years after having a resection. The disease usually recurs at the site of the anastomosis or ileostomy.

* The chances of a recurrence can be reduced by taking medication, such as 5-ASA agents and immunomodulators.

* Recurrent Crohn's disease often can be successfully treated with medications. However, about half of people with recurrent symptoms will need a second surgery.

Special Considerations

* Many people suffer needlessly because they try to avoid surgery. But if medical therapy no longer keeps your disease under control, surgery should be seriously considered.

* It's important to gather as much information as possible. Discuss all therapeutic and surgical options with your gastroenterologist and surgeon. Most people benefit, too, from speaking with others who've undergone surgery.

* If you decide to have surgery, it's extremely important to bolster your nutritional status prior to the procedure.

* The combination of medical and surgical therapy can often give people with Crohn's disease the best possible quality of life.


IM EXCITED BUT SCARED!!!!


Risks & Complications12

As with any surgical procedure, there are risks that accompany open and laparoscopic colon surgery. This is why it is important to weigh the benefits of the surgery against the risks. Complications are unplanned events, such as excessive bleeding, infection, or reaction to anesthesia. Some of the risks can be seen in any type of surgery. Infection, deep or at the skin level, can occur. Infections can involve the abdominal incision. Deep infections, known as peritonitis, can occur and may involve the abdominal cavity. These deep infections may require long-term antibiotics and perhaps additional surgery. Bleeding during or after the operation may require a blood transfusion or additional surgery. Painful or ugly skin scars are always a possibility.

Colon surgery problems that can occur include the following: damage to the spleen, perforation of the stomach and/or intestines, injury to the urinary bladder and the connecting tubes, injury to the internal female organs including the uterus and ovaries, unexpected difficulties resulting in a temporary or permanent colostomy, hernias through the incision or incisions, and abdominal wall disruption or breakdown that would require additional surgery.

It is important to discuss possible risks and complications with your surgeon prior to your operation.
Open (Traditional) Surgery

Complications include, but may not be limited to: muscle stripping, organ failure, blood clotting, or injury to blood vessels. Because of the larger incision, patients undergoing open surgery typically require a longer recovery period.




-sigh-


in other news. my birthday is soon. april 28th =] ill be 20!!!!
also another sad day is coming.... ='[
april 24th...

=[ see folks...i lost my baby on the 24th of april...
i owuld of had a baby december 6th.

-sigh- im not ready to go thru this day...


blah.
Unknown "Mai Sister" Nervous - 15 years, 10 months, 10 days ago