I started as a failed self-abortion. Mostly raised myself. Highly Autistic and ADHD but a high I. Q. and plenty or torture taught me to hide it rather well. I've been dead 4 times and close to it many more times. Only child. Done a little bit of everything. Severe Dyslexia but read college books before 1st grade.
I like to make things. Art, music, video, stories, clothing, tools, the list just goes on and on. I've lived the life of ten men and still have more to go. Been to most of the states and spent 50 years on motorcycles. Raced cars, worked at most of the large film studios, offered a reality show based on my life but no desire to be famous. I've toyed with it just to know I could but I always stop once it starts getting out of hand.
My look keeps changing. Cancer took out the motorcycles and beard but I'm still here and getting around again. I don't dress like a biker anymore though. I see no reason to since I had to give up the bikes.
I've been married many years and we get along perfectly. She has no problems with me doing my thing. I don't hang out with men much though. I don't care for sports or most of the macho bs. I look like I probably do and sometimes sound a bit edgy but I am much better at socializing with women. Likely because as a small child I was raised by my Native American Grandmother and her girlfriends. From 10 on I raised myself. I didn't do well in school but I taught myself most anything I wanted to know about. The Internet has been awesome for me but books were always quite useful before that.
My parents were decent people but had no business having kids. Father was a NY Jew who was raised in military school and then the military, till he went into the garment industry. Which was his family's business. The mother was a Kansas redneck turned semi-hippie and then ended up a dancer in Vegas and low end actress. Settling in behind the camera in the film industry. She was Autistic as well but smart enough to work around it. Dad was a pure genius and a very funny guy but certainly had his parenting limitations. Neither abused me in the usual ways but neither was around much either. So I had the house, the food, clothing, and knew where school was. School was nothing short of a complete nightmare.
I don't spend much time around other people. From time to time I let well picked humans into my circle. I don't care what people lool like. Age and race and fashion and all that don't matter to me at all. I'm not a big fan of the completely "Normal." I like freaks, weirdos, intelligent, creative, strange, wallflowers, and so on. Clothing makeup, jewelry, shoes, status symbols, and acts are just big barges that say "RUN AWAY." So those kinds of people I just ignore. I worked in film most of my life. I am bored with facades. I like real. I'd rather hang out in a ghost town than a penthouse. My taste in humans is pretty much the same way. I'm not a big fan of flashy. Although I'm fine with party time and dressing up for occasions.
In the 80's I turned into a dancer. It wasn't my plan but someone I worked with knew I didn't drink and begged me to drive her to and from the club had pretended to be her date if anyone bothered her. I wasn't into going dancing at all but I was definitely wanting to spend time with her so she talked me into it. I figured I'd just smoke some weed and hang out in the parking lot. I ended up smoking a lot of weed and let her drag me inside. Then somehow she got me on the dancefloor and I just close my eyes and went crazy. I was pretty ashamed by the time I dropped her off at her home.
The next morning I got a call from her and I kept trying to apologize and she told me she was coming over so we could talk. I was pretty sure she was going to tell me her Sister had fired me and not to call her anymore. She rather shocked me when she said I was the best dancer in the place and then jumped my bones. Then she said we were going dancing again that night but to open my eyes and look at how people reacted to me. So I did. Before we left the first night, I was the most unpopular person I knew. Within 30 days of going dancing every night, I was the MOST popular person I knew. So I completely threw away my old life and danced 7 hours a night for 10 years. What I learned from that, I applied to the rest of my life. A lot of Autistic people have a connection to math. In me it's that I see patterns everywhere. Music and dancing are all about patterns. So I just sort of clicked right into it. That, and all those years alone, I played and wrote music and danced around the house. I just never thought to ever let anyone else see it.
I was promised my wild life of going out every nice and motorcycles and crazy behavior would never allow me to reach 30. Then I turned 30. So I married a friend and we had kids. The friend went crazy but the kids turned out well.
When I was sa young boy I met an older Native man and my Grandmother let us sit and talk for a while. We were on a road trio through the desert and were gassing up next to a ghost town we visited. He and had had some great words. I asked him for some advice on things and he said my life would be filled with decisions. And that I should not base them on money or power or prestige or women. That I should base my decisions on the choices that would write the best stories. He said to live the best stories and then when I am old, tell them. I liked that. So that's what I did. Religiously. And that's wy my life is a little less than believable to most people. Yet it was still my life. And I'm getting old. So I tell the stories now.
There is one thing I have heard more times than anything else in my life. "You are not at all what you look like." And that works for me. I rather like it when people think I'm a moran and then let me in to learn what they know. It's a great way to learn :) It's a good way to get people to drop their guard and not put too much effort into the facade. So I tend to go with it a lot of the time. Not all the time. But enough of it to get by.
I can go on for a few hundred more pages but that's enough for now. If you made it this far. Feel free to say hi. I pretty much have no idea what this site is about. So I'm open to finding out.
I swear I wrote this with paragraphs. Even in edit mode I see them. Feel free to tell me how to get them to show up in the profile. I assume some HTML code will do it. THanks.
I like open minds that like to learn or teach. I'm a pretty neutral person overall but once anything gets into anything physical. . . I tend to turn rather Dominant. Only in that one slice of life though. Usually not in public. I like strong, secure, independent women who are interested in trying the other side of that coin once in a while.
I'm also a fan of the wallflower types who would like to learn how to become the strong, secure, independent type. And then I show them how. Since that's pretty much how I got here. I went from the goofy Autistic kid that no one liked and all the bullies beat up and tortured, including the teachers who allowed it to happen and told me I was crap. Till one of my Monty Python fan, dork friends pointed out that he couldn't figure out why I kept taking all the abuse. I wasn't sure what he was saying and he said the reason other people picked in me was because I was so much bigger than them and it made them look stronger than they really were. THen he said the next time someone punched me in the face I shouldn't leave. I should just stand there and stare at them and look at the fear in their eyes. Cuz every time people punched me in a face and I didn't go down, he could see the fear in their eyes. He said I needed to see it. So I did what he said. And that was the end of me getting my ass kicked. My Father wouldn't teach me to fight because he was afraid I was so big that I would be a bully. Once I realized what I was though, it was just like dancing. I learned all by myself. In one moment. All about the patterns. No one bothered me after that.
I like teaching that to women who have no idea what they wield. I like showing people who were told wrong things about themselves that they don't have to be that anymore. To me that's like building something. That's like living art. There's an old Chinese tradition of making art and then burning it. Because the path is more important than the destination. I like that. I've made lots of things that were very temporary in nature. I like experiencing things that are temporary in nature. My time in film was like that. Things would get made, then filmed and then trashed or torn up. At least it did before Ebay showed up lol.
I like those kinds of relationships though. I like to teach. I like being around people who I can learn from. I like the dance of power moving around. I've always been surrounded by animals. Usually, cats and dogs but goats, chickens, donkeys were my favorite, but there were horses and cattle, and all sorts of other things. I am very at home in the woods and in situations that don't follow the usual social norms.
Going through life as an Autistic in a way that most people never pick up on is all about sizing people up and putting up the act that they respond to. And that's not a facade really. Because it's not a temporary thing. I am a different person with different people and situations. When things go horribly wrong and most people run away, I tend to run right into the fire. Cuz that's who I am comfortable as. Normal life is more than a little boring for me. So, in order to not drive people crazy, I tend to have to turn parts of myself off. Cuz I am a hell of a lot of parts deep. I am an onion the size of a small moon lol So the double life thing is fairly easy and attractive for me. It allows me to fit into lots of different kinds of places and events.
As long as there are places where I can let all my different parts out and about, then I get to be me. Without missing out. And though most people without a list of acronyms as long as mine to identify with don't have the need to work it as hard as I do, it's certainly a skill that affords more freedom than being locked in a box of fear or other people telling you who you are or should be.
So if you would like to break out of that box and look around. . . I like that kind of exploration. I like to hike through other people's stories and help them find new ways to navigate. I find that quite often, those same people who are stuck in their world can show me ways to enter worlds I've not yet experienced. And since they have lots of experience there, they are well suited to teach me about them.
Anyway, that's the kind of thing I like to do. I'll likely rewrite this ever so often. I know my dyslexia is likely tearing it up pretty badly so please forgive me if it looks like I never graduated 5th grade :)
The simple way to state this is I'm not actually looking for any one thing. When I met my wife, I was in a place to raise my kids. I figured no one there would be interesting at all. So my plan was just to go single and celebrate till the kids were raised. And then my kids introduced me to their science teacher. And it just worked out. We never told anyone we were even dating till one day we just got married. Telling the kids that day.
So I don't look for things. I walk the path and I pay attention to things that show up. I know what paths I am best on. I know what I'm good at. I know where I am comfy. And I know how to see opportunities that fit me well and will write good stories. Some paths feel right, others not so much. I figure that out when I get there.
So it's hard to say I'm looking for any kind of people. I know better what kind of people I'm not looking for. Although I've had experiences where I met people I would never guess myself liking. The exact opposite of what I feel I can put up with. And then they show up and look to me because they don't want to be that way anymore. So I end up helping them. I met a mean old drunk who was like that. I opened him up to new ideas. He taught me how to build log furniture and carve wood stuff. The exact kind of person I had always avoided. Yet we taught each other exactly what we needed to learn at the time we met. So it worked out great.
What I like, what I don't like. . . hard line to draw in the sand until you are standing there. :)
So feel free to say hi and ask all the questions you like. :)
I'm seemingly impossible. I'm a failed self-abortion. I was born addicted to various things. I have severe dyslexia but my Father accidentally taught me to read before I could talk. I learned the shapes of entire words. No from sounding out letters. I could read college books before 1st grade. I'm Autistic. My IQ is shared by less than .5% of the population. So most people have no clue I'm Autistic. I found out when I was 59. I have severe ADHD. I found out when I was 30. I have Bi Polar II. The entertaining kind. Not the scary kind. Found out when I as 59 I have OCPD. 59 PTSD 59 A number of other acronyms not worth listing. I've the rarest blood type. AB- When I took the military ASVAB test I got one of the highest scores in the nation. I scored so high I was eligible for every job the Army offered. Dad talked me out of it. I rode motorcycles for over 50 years and only broke my thumb. I rode motorcycles on the streets of LA for over 40 years and lived. I've been hit by 30 cars while on motorcycles. Usually never fell off. I've been close to death or naming hundreds of times. I stood next to explosives that went off. No injury. I've been shot at without injury. I got shot in the head while on my motorcycle on the Hollywood freeway. I still got away. Cops have harrassed me hundreds and hundreds of time. Still alive. As payback, I pulled up to hundreds of cops on the freeway, gave them the finger and took off. Never got caught a single time. Ditched a few in cars but much harder so I avoid it. I've been in 3 Hollywood film industry unions. Invited to a 4th. Didn't join. I've worked with the most famous people in the world. I've done 165 MPH on two wheels on a freeway. I did 145 without a helmet. Still working on 200. I've been chased with knives. I've been in countless car chases. No one ever caught me. I've been offered movies and TV shows but turned them down. I was a fairly well known dancer in the LA clubs in the 80s. I've had 5 heart attacks. I've had 4 heart surgeries. I've been dead 4 times. I've had cancer. Had the worst cancer treatment. I went 5 weeks without a single bite of food. I lost 100lbs in a month. I've had 5 strokes in a 6 weeks. I puked ever 2-3 hours 24/7 for 6 weeks. I've had a collapsed lung. Had a pulmonary embolism Pneumonia Covid Celulitous. Had a car hit me head on while I was waiting to turn left. He was doing 45. I stepped off just in time and it ripped the bike out from under me while I was on one leg. Bike flew 20 some feet behind me. Handlebars nearly tore my leg off but my bones bent the bars and the only part of the car that touched me was the driver's mirror barely brushing across my stomach as I did a sort of ballet spin backwards on the ball of my right foot. I never formed wisdom teeth. I also never formed other teeth that were unneeded,. I used to walk a 6 inch beam 100 feet in the air with no ropes. No injuries. I worked in the top most dangerous job in America. Not a single injury. I used to do over 130 MPH multiple times a day on LA freeways for decades. No wrecks. I once hit three cars with my body when someone ran a light. I wasted all three cars. I got up and walked away without so much as a bruise. Though I was sore the next day. I've been set on fire. No injury. I've been inside burning buildings. No injuries. I was allowed to wander through the woods at will when I was 6-10 years. Never got lost. I've ridden across America on motorcycles many times. No injuries. I raised myself from 10 years old on. I hit a car head-on at a combined speed of 100 mph when my motorcycle tire failed. Walked away with a broken thumb. My cancer treatment gave me severe brain damage. Had to learn how to walk, talk, eat, and think again. And I still wrote this. I broke a man's first by leaning into his attempt to punch me with my forehead. I heard it shatter, then he screamed in pain and I walked away laughing. He told the cops I assaulted him. I showed them the bruise on my shaved head. They offered to jail him. He got run out of a small town on the West coast. I used to run up and down 4 flights of stairs with 100 lbs of film on my shoulders in boxes all day. Literally running.
The list goes on a while more but I'll stop here. I've always enjoyed being the freak show lol Now I'm just some old guy with stories :) Still fun though :)