I climbed the Tree of Knowledge, and found an apple there.
I grabbed it up with sweaty palms, with not a single care.
Down my neck I shoved its flesh, I yammed the bugger down.
And When I awoke the next morn, I found I wore a crown!
Just an average sorta day. Yawn
Matt Malone "Sausage Roll" - 10 years, 11 months ago

Once upon a time, in a far and magical kingdom, a tiny cigarette called Kev lived all alone in a dark wishing well. Kev was a bit of a loner, and being a roll up (home made) Kev was laughed at and looked down on by the swanky Class A factory made fags. They looked perfect and smart, with uniform apperance and so tall and straight and clean. Poor Kev was a bit bent at the middle, and fatter at one end than the other. But worst of all he didn't even have a filter, so he left little specks of tobacco wherever he went. So Kev spent most of his time down the well, painting beautiful pictures and dreaming of the day he would find happiness and contentment. One day at the corner shop, where Kev went to buy comics, he spied a beautiful lady cigarette. She was an Esse Menthol, a very rare and exotic tab from far flung parts! And.... she was looking at Kev! Kev quickly looked round to see if perhaps another ciggy was behind him and that she was checking him out, BUT NO! It was just the two of them in the shop, and then Kev saw she was holding the latest issue of Spiderfag under her arm, the very comic he'd come into buy. Plucking up his nerve, he smiled at her and asked if she thought the films lived up to the comics? She told him that while she'd enloyed the films, you couldn't beat the source material! Kev gasped! This was just his feeling too!
Within weeks they had moved in together and found that they where each others perfect match, soul mates indeed! Kev was blissfully happy, all was wonder and blue skys in his life at last. He learned that what made him different to other smokes, were the very things that made him special and loveable in the eyes of his lady.
And do you know what?
Nothing really bad happened! They lived in happyness til the end of their days.
The end
Matt Malone "Sausage Roll" - 10 years, 11 months, 1 day ago

In the cold dark land of near at hand,
there lived a shabby rubber band,
he'd lost his spring and ping you see,
and had no home but 'neth a tree,
so all day long he sit and cry
and watch the dirty birdies fly,
he wished that he could be so free,
and escape that dark and manky tree,
one day to flee his lonley funk,
he scaled its black and greasy trunk,
and from a branch he launched himself,
and smashed upon a rocky shelf,
as he lay with his last words,
he called a curse upon those birds,
and to this day they no longer soar,
which to a birds a dreadful bore,
so in this tale I hope you'll find,
a reason not to be unkind,
for life is cruel and hard sometimes,
but thats no excuse to sour wines.
Matt Malone "Sausage Roll" - 10 years, 11 months, 1 day ago

When I was a little lad, I'd say my name was Fred, I'd say I'd been to France and Spain, the moon, the Mound of Dredd. I'd say I was an expert chief, a lover and a rouge, I'd say I'd written once a song, made famous by the Pogues. I'd tell of daring deeds I'd done, of sword play on high cliffs. I'd mumble in a drunken way about my Elvis quiff. I'd say that just one touch from me would set a lady wet, that if you asked the Queen, she'd blush to think we had once met.
I'd tell you of my years of fame, of drink and drugs and spoons, of all the many many times is been looked at as a loon.
Is say all this to you my dear, I'd spin the yarns all night, all in the hope is find you willing moist and tight!
Matt Malone "Sausage Roll" - 10 years, 11 months, 1 day ago

I've been here before! But in another life. Back now, same face, another life. I fell in love on here. Moved half way round the world and had a life changing time. Sadly it all ended, as things tend to do. Missed the old place and gonna give it a go again. Hello you!
Matt Malone "Sausage Roll" - 10 years, 11 months, 1 day ago