How messed I really am... I walk out to have a cigarette the other day and Jordan a former friend of mine is standing there in the road staring at me not just a normal stare but, turned towards me stopped just gawking at my every movement in a constant stare that lasted more then a min.. I tried to act as if I didn't see her and continued talking with my niece before turning my back to her but, the disturbing feeling was too haunting to get out of my mind so I decided to walk over to talk to Earl(her grandpa) to see what or how he was doing and as we talked she approached and I turned to her and said "Hey Jordan" which was my normal Ice breaker for any convo we ever had in the past.. At one time we where very close friends we had a huge age difference as far as she was a child and I was an adult who was comfortable with the idea of being friendly towards the neighbor kids and feeling like an adult as if I had children of my own.. I think she just liked the idea of having a friendship with an adult.. anyways as I stood there speaking with Earl she stood there and Listened and I said I turned to her and said hey Jordan she then looked at me with a huge smile overly exxagerated smile and said Hi no sooner turned and started to walk away.. As she walked I could hear her yell "Where are you Dad?" I sank with the realization that her father commited suicide not only last year.. her father which she explained to me as living a street away from where I grew up as a child and lived for 20 years decided to take his life unexpectedly last year.. I didn't know what to say and she turned around and walked by me saying in a low sad sarcastic tone "It was nice actually speaking with you" now the reason we stopped talking awhile ago was because she didn't want to talk with me anymore.. one time I approached her and she turned her back to me and walked the other way.. there was many time I would try to speak with her over the years and she would alway's avoid any contact so I felt I needed to do the same.. there was one time where she waved at me and I Ignored her because I was on the phone but, at the time I was still irritated at the fact that she could just go on like that song that play's on the radio and "cut me off and make it out like nothing have ever happend and that we where nothing" the thing that still bothers me is that I still care for her but, I know we can never be friends again and I feel compassion and heartbreak for everything that she has had to go threw but, yet I still have to live this life accepting the fact that we cannot talk to each other and that I just have to wait tell it's over and she is gone forever..
Erik Metty "♥Erik♥" Emo - 11 years, 3 months, 21 days ago

although i'm still a mess this morning wasn't half bad.. wish greeneyedcj could see me now. it's weird how when life throws you lemons sometimes you can find diamonds.
Erik Metty "♥Erik♥" Emo - 11 years, 5 months, 4 days ago

Erik Metty "♥Erik♥" Emo - 11 years, 5 months, 4 days ago

Erik Metty "♥Erik♥" Emo - 11 years, 5 months, 4 days ago

some people walk right into the sun hoping not to get burnt but, still do.. some people walk right into the darkness hoping they will find some light and not get burnt but, they still do
some people walk away from it all and to avoid it and realize they are the son! but, yet still get burnt
some people just burn
Erik Metty "♥Erik♥" Emo - 11 years, 5 months, 4 days ago