Oh how cute, I got my first message from a Nigerian bankers girlfriend here..... damn, that nation has a ton of trusting people and A LOT of disposable income. Maybe if we just sent Goldman Sacks and the rest of our bankers there, maybe, JUST maybe we could get our nation out of debt.
Edmound Dantes "The Hunter" Adventurous - 12 years, 1 month, 15 days ago

This is one of my old stand up routines..... (My profile says Humor and Intellect. )
It is written for me to perform, so the format is weaker than my other writing.

Oh my gawd… Sex with robots will happen and legalized marriage to them will be legal by 2050?? I thought sex with robots WAS marriage, isn't that what everyone says?

There are companies that already sell realistic sex dolls, "and it's just a matter of adding some electronics to them to add some vibration," he said, or endowing the robots with a few audio responses. "That's fairly primitive in terms of robotics, but the
technology is already there." Bet you know people wish they could do this for their living spouses don't they? Sex is more than just vibration and audible sounds, if that's all it was we make vibrating pocket things and phallus things that vibrated and you could make a phone call for an automated response…….. nevermind, but you get the point. Sex is about FEEDBACK!!!! I get a hell of a lot more aroused when I know the person with me WANTS me, NEEDS me, is using me as a masturbation device (the person being female for those of you who are about to make THATcomment).

But here is the truly best comment I have EVER read in the last week: Levy argues that psychologists have identified roughly a dozen basic reasons why people fall in love, "and almost all of them could apply to human-robot relationships. For instance, one thing that prompts people to fall in love are similarities in personality and knowledge, and all of this is programmable. Another reason people are more likely to fall in love is if they know the other person likes them, and that's programmable too." WOW!!!! We can do that? Well, let's see… Let's delve into a theory here of what a programmable woman would be like…. Dreams… gentlemen, and I'm doing one for the ladies as well.

First, this robot better be hot as hell, I mean hot….Cindy Crawford 1990 HOT!!!, and she better have the sexual appetite of Sharon Stone from Basic Instinct (let's delete that whole "homicidal tendancy" programming though). OH….. and if she liked to bring another of her friends in EVERYNIGHT and would never get jealous…. Just make sure her
friend looks like Jessica Alba. (THIS IS MY ROBOT DAMMIT)

For the guys.. the Jessica Alba models (Blue Crush, Fantastic Four and Dark Angel models all available), the Jessica Biel models (now each man can do his own Spike awards show). Want one who is listless, drunk and never really there mentally, we have the Tara Ried 3000. Want a young always partying model who never wears panties? The
Britney Spears edition is on sale now (maternal instinct expansion pact due out next year). We have a whole line of porn stars, hussy’s and for you truly sexual deviants. The Larry Craig model comes with it’s own public bathroom stall kit with authentic Minneapolis Airport logo’s on the doors.

For the women: Brad Pitt models include Legends of the Fall, Meet Joe Black (Sponsored by Skippy peanut butter). The Matt Damon/Ben Affleck two pack. The entire cast of oceans eleven, special this week on the home shopping network.

Just imagine how tech support would work? Oh yeah, that be great.
Hello, Dildo tech support, how can we help you.
Hi, uh, yeah… it seems my Angelina Jolie “Tomb Raider” edition robot is malfunctioning.
Well sir, tell me what’s wrong.
Well, it doesn’t want to have sex anymore, it just sits there and whines about how I don’t help around the house. How all I do is sit around the house watching TV and drinking beer on the weekends, it even has started complaining about me scratching myself. I need help fast.
Uh-huh, and when did you first start noticing these problems?
Right after my cousins wedding why?
Oh dear… what fuel did the robot have that day?
Well, it said it was running low, so it had some cake I think.
Was it wedding cake sir?
I think so, why?
I’m sorry sir, It seems there is a flaw in this robot’s programming, that turns it into wife mode after tasting any wedding cake instead of just it’s wedding cake. We are sorry sir, but it will cost $500 dollars for a crew to come out. This flaw was noted in your operators
manual and is not covered by warranty.

Think of the other hazards, you try it in the shower and WABUUUUUUUU you thought you human wife had a short circuit, boy imagine getting grounded through that little piece of your body.. ouch

This is awesome though, wives of the world should rejoice even more. "Hey kids, lets go buy daddy a robot and make sure it can cook, clean and like to sit around and watch Oprah with me."
"Mommy, can we get one who won't screw up my science projects?"
"Sure honey, maybe if we get a really good one, daddy will buy me my own robot for when you’re at school."

They are talking about marriage? SHIT I am talking about practicality.

Who really suffers from this other than prositutes? The religious right will scream, but imagine if Jim Baker had a robotic Jessica Hahn instead of one who could speak. How about Ted Haggard? He could have explored all his little ideas and called it "scientific research into nature vrs nurture" Imagine how peacefull it would have been in this
country if Monica Lewinsky only had an input instead of an output port? Or better yet, was programmed to do her fucking laundry!

Wives over the world could enjoy their days at the spa with 15 chippendale like androids ready to do their every bidding, even if that involved having them just wash the windows and massage their feet. (All my female friends just sighed and felt a tingle in their loins… how quaint)

Women could really enjoy them if certain male robots had extra attachments to get into different nooks and crannies from all odd angles. (YOUR MALE ROBOT!!! BY KIRBY!!!)

Wives could enjoy evening in peace, "Honey, I haven't seen this episode yet, go fuck the robot"

Revenge and justice would be possible in new ways. They made a mention in the article about child robots for pedophiles…. Not a bad idea.. let's do it with a twist.
Their punishment is to be in a room with 5 child robots, except each has a very evil flaw…..razor sharp teeth, vice grip orifices…. Chucky the doll personality, one who talks like an old jewish lady… you can get really sick here and watch pedophiles go insane and kill themselves. Which works just fine for me.

It could create jobs, imagine how in demand robot mechanics would be?

Imagine how collectors shows would go:

WOW dude, you got the entire Spice Girls 1995 set, wow.

Yeah, even got them with remote control muting so when they start to sing I don’t have to listen.

Wow, I wish my Celine Dion model came that way.

Of course the religious right would go up in arms. They would be told
by their leaders that this is an affront to god (as every good idea to them is) and how could we legalize relations with an automated, mindless machine that only is there to service our basest desires.Which I would find ironic since that's exactly what James Dobson and his ilk have used the Republican Party for, for years.

Democrats would say these robots should be given rights, that they should be organized into voting blocks and let to be productive members of the community no matter how little they can think on their own. (such as say….. the Democrats). Massachusetts would legalize robot to human and then robot to robot marriage. WOW, imagine exactly
how bad you have to be to get dumped by a robot who was programmed to like and love you. Holy shit, you must SUCK!!!!

The list goes on and on folks, but finally, maybe the Pope will come and say exactly what people would think during the Android Revolution of 2124: "Why couldn't we have just kept using our hands?"
Edmound Dantes "The Hunter" Adventurous - 12 years, 1 month, 20 days ago

On this lonesome night I trend towards the clearings edge, led by my liege and her haunting light, my sights set upon the lonesome silhouette of my target laying before me. It's breath rising and falling, expectant of my arrival, it offers no sign of fleeing nor of resistance to the expected outcome.
My what life it must lead to so welcome my coming, so welcome my attention, so welcome my devouring hunger as I welcome the quenching of this emptiness that so consumes me at these hours.
Long I have waited for such a creature, one who willingly invites me into its sanctuary with anticipation. Sweat glistening from its forehead, it's breathing becomes more rapid, it's pulse visible through the jugular that so quickly pushes the vitae of life through its veins as it senses my approach.
I slowly circle, letting it know there can be no escape, that its entrapment is complete. Yet there it lays, welcoming my coming and the end of its loneliness as well.
I decide a new type of prey needs a new time of conquest. No quick fulfillment here, I wish to enjoy this, for it may never come again.
Slowly I come from low and behind, smelling the musk that comes from knowing an outcome. I smell the anticipation mixed equally with desperation to end this quickly, to be attacked and let this agony of the wait finally be over. I smell the need to be consumed, the need to be over whelmed and once taken, to never be let go of. I smell the desire to have the loneliness ended, once and for all right here.
Then I feel the fight with in myself for control, my savage nature trying to overrule my calculated hunt. How can this small creature, all but begging for my primeval nature so easily force the internal turmoil I have for years focused above and mastered to control.
The musk is stronger now, the smell alone edging me toward the most animalistic instincts I long ago forgot that I possess.
How can a creature so weak overpower with just a perfume, the strength I have mastered to stay in control of. How does this delicate creature, who would break at but a flex of my shoulders, force the crumbling of the walls I have erected for my own protection.
The last of the restraints holding this barrier of my control breaks as I hear the shiver of the exhale, this delicate creature has broken the bonds I used to imprison my true nature for so long, bonds long neglected and taken for granted. I have no choice left, I must consume, I must drink, I must nourish myself or become some scavengers nourishment as left behind carrion.
Somewhere far I hear a voice say thank you, carried away by the wind that stirs no leaves and moves no air. I feel the release, the ecstasy of pleasure rising up as the animal in me takes over. For a last fleeting moment, with my last sense of self, I look down to see my prey no longer looks delicate, does not look consumed. It has turned to face me and almost seems as if it is being nourished itself, feeding off of me. As I slip into the animal, I can't help but wonder am I the predator, or am I the prey?
Edmound Dantes "The Hunter" Adventurous - 12 years, 1 month, 22 days ago