I am and I'm not;

I'm everything and nothing;

I'm everywhere and nowhere;

I am all possibility and none;

I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end;

I'm the creator and destroyer of worlds.

Kissing 101

Brought to you by Shawny, the bloke who gets pashed about as often as a frog, not even the kind that turns into a prince either, just your regular old frog so there shall be a couple grains of salt attached to this for the cpl of you who bother reading it.

I never understood the whole shoving your tongue all the way in the other persons mouth, i don't find it in anyway exciting, hot, sexy, passionate or anything really except invasive. To me it is how i imagine over eager teenagers to kiss although it seems it certainly isn't limited to them from my rather limited experience.
Tongue is good, don't get me wrong, i'm a big fan of tongue, just not pushed down the back of my throat. For me when kissing the tongues should gently explore, probing, testing the others own exploration and as they become more familiar working together as a team, encircling each other, gently massaging, carressing even, a little dance that neither knows the moves to but make their own but one should never dominate the other it's a union not a contest.
Of course in different situations the dance becomes more vigorous and energetic but the same rules should apply, yes the lips should be pressed hard up against each other in the throws of passion and desire and the tongue more eager more forceful but not to the point of overpowering, domineering, they should still dance their beautiful dance just at a higher BPM
I dunno, maybe it's just me but i love a good kiss, one you just lose yourself in completely and i have never been able to lose myself when trying to hold back an invader hell bent on forcing it's way down the back of my throat i have found.


In the next issue of, the guy who isn't getting any but thinks he knows it all anyway, stay tuned for Shawny's Master class on cunnilingus, which has has rave reviews worldwide from all walks of life, hookers, ridiculously drunk or high, blind, deaf and dumb girls and of course the mentally impaired



Shawn Anigans "Dionysius" Stop existing and start living - 10 years, 1 day ago

Things on my to do list, preferably before the year is out.

Finish AFF skydiving course(6 jumps to go) and A licence
Skiing, has been way too long
Give snowboarding a crack while i'm there
Abseiling, may as well give some rock climbing a go too
Do a refresher and get some diving in, also dive with sharks at aquarium and/or do a cage dive with great whites in Sth Aust
Give white water rafting another go
Get to every doof/festival possible

Rob a bank to pay for it all :/

Oh and then find the cash to get dive instructors licence(next year) and piss off overseas again
Shawn Anigans "Dionysius" Stop existing and start living - 11 years, 7 months, 4 days ago

Love Kinda Sucks

While going back to continue a different note that i had started on i stumbled across this in my drafts from a few years back. I'm not quite sure where i was going with it but figured i may as well share it and add a little to it even seeing as it wasn't finished. Oh and the heading was the original one, love really is a beautiful thing :)


Those of you who have been following my notes(i know there are at least one or two of you who actually read them) will be well aware by now that Shawny the old cynic fell in love a while back. It wasn't your regular boy meets girl, boy and girl fall in love kinda thing and in all honesty was probably doomed to failure from the start. Even knowing this though didn't stop him from giving into it completely. I cant tell you why, maybe it was because they were never a realistic chance to succeed and it was his self destructive side taking over again, maybe it was because he thought it was worth the risk in spite of the small chance of success and the rewards, if they did succeed, would be all the more sweeter, maybe he just wasn't thinking at all and you don't get a say in these things, where your heart leads you, you just have to accept it and go with it and enjoy the ride while it lasts. Whatever the reasons he became lost in this love, wholly, completely, like never before, and as love is want to do it resulted in a whole spectrum of experiences and feelings, complete and utter joy, horrible despair, excitement, wonder, jealousy, anger, contentment, relief, hope, lust, optimism, misery, inspiration, amazement, hate, fear, impulsiveness, delight, anguish and finally loss. When combined with love all of these feelings and experiences are all the more intense. That is both the wonderful and the terrible thing about love, although i personally like to think the highs more than make up for the lows even though as i write this i have an overwhelming feeling of sadness and loss.

Ayşegül is without doubt one of the most wonderful and amazing people i have ever had the pleasure of meeting and i am constantly amazed that i was lucky enough to be friends with her, let alone be loved by her. Don't get me wrong, she isn't perfect, far from it and she has caused me more pain than i would care to remember(and vice versa to be fair) but she has also been responsible for some of the happiest times of my life and while not being perfect maybe she was perfect for me.


So i guess that by now most of you have realised that all is not sunshine, lollipops and rainbows in Shawnys world by now? i wish i could tell you differently and that me and Ayşegül are going to live happily ever after but that doesn't seem very likely atm, i wish i could call her all sorts of evil names and tell you i hate her, i wish i could tell you i just didn't love her anymore i really REALLY wish i could say that but sadly that isn't the case either. Distance, timing and circumstances have just conspired against us it seems.





Ok so that's where the original note ended, as i said before i have no idea where i was going with it, it was most likely just a way to help me cope at the time.

So what now, almost 4yrs on? Well sadly we have hardly spoken at all for a couple of years, which is my biggest regret, i allowed my ego, jealousy and selfishness to come between us and lose the only person who has ever truly known me, the only person i could talk about anything at all with. We are both a little warped and fucked up Ayşegül and me both, which was probably why we clicked so well right from the start and also why we were probably destined to crash and burn like we did. The hardest part i think is not only losing your love but also your best friend, your confidant. Even now, four years on, hardly a week goes by where she doesn't enter my thoughts at least once or twice.

I take the blame fairly and squarely for losing her as a friend but like to think i have grown since then and learnt from it, one day soon i should let her know this too and also thank her for being probably THE significant moment in my life, the catalyst for change in me to begin the journey that i have been on, discovering myself and discovering life and love again and for that i will forever be indebted to you Ayşegül and you will always have a place in my heart, wherever you are, whoever you are with, i truly wish you nothing but happiness
Shawn Anigans "Dionysius" Stop existing and start living - 11 years, 7 months, 6 days ago

The summer of Shawn continues :)
Shawn Anigans "Dionysius" Stop existing and start living - 11 years, 9 months, 16 days ago

The summer of Shawn continues :)
Shawn Anigans "Dionysius" Stop existing and start living - 11 years, 9 months, 16 days ago