How to annoy your favorite Pizza Parlor!
Guarantied ways to annoy your favorite pizza hangout!
Act like you know the order taker from somewhere. Say "Bed-Wetters' Camp, right?"
After ordering, say "I wonder what THIS button on the phone does." Simulate a cutoff.
Amuse the order taker with little-known facts about country music.
Answer their questions with questions.
Ask about pizza maintenance and repair.
Ask for a deal available somewhere else. (e.g. If phoning Domino's, ask for a Cheeser! Cheeser!)
Ask for the guy who took your order last time.
Ask how many dolphins were killed to make that pizza.
Ask if the pizza has had its shots.
Ask if the pizza is organically grown.
Ask if they have any idea what is at stake with this pizza.
Ask if they would like to sample your pizza. Suggest an even trade.
Ask if they're familiar with the term "spanking a pizza." Make up a description to go with the term. Ask that this be done to your pizza.
Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a sigh of relief.
Ask to see a menu.
Ask what the order taker is wearing.
Ask what their phone number is. Hang up, call them, and ask again.
Ask what topping goes best with well-aged Chardonnay.
Be vague in your order.
Belch directly into the mouthpiece; then tell your dog it should be ashamed.
Call to complain about service. Later, call to say you were drunk and didn't mean it.
Change your accent every three seconds.
Crack your knuckles into the receiver.
Dance all around the word "pizza." Avoid saying it at all costs. If he/she says it, say "Please don't mention that word."
Detect the order taker's psychic aura. Use it to your advantage.
Do not name the toppings you want. Rather, spell them out.
Doze off in the middle of the order, catch yourself, and say "Where was I? Who are you?"
Eliminate verbs from your speech.
Engage in some serious swapping.
Get taker's name. Later, call exactly on the hour to say, "This is your (time of day) wake-up call, So-and-so." Hang up.
Give them your address, exclaim "Oh, just surprise me!" and hang up.
Haggle.
Have a movie with a good car chase scene playing loudly in the background.
Have your pizza "shaken, not stirred."
If any of the above practices are rejected by the order taker,
If he/she suggests a side order, ask why he/she is punishing you.
If he/she suggests anything, adamantly declare, "I shall not be swayed by your sweet words."
If they repeat the order to make sure they have it right, say "OK. That'll be .99; please pull up to the first window."
If using a touch-tone press 9-1-1 every 5 seconds throughout the order.
If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that.
Imitate the order taker's voice.
In your breathiest voice, tell them to cut the crap about nutrition and ask if they have something outlandishly sinful.
Learn to play a blues riff on the harmonica. Stop talking at regular intervals to play it.
Learn to properly pronounce the ingredients of a Twinkie. Ask that these be included in the pizza.
Make a list of exotic cuisines. Order them as toppings.
Make the first topping you order mushrooms. Make the last thing you say "No mushrooms, please." Hang up before they have a chance to respond.
Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it.
Move the mouthpiece farther and farther from your lips as you speak. When the call ends, jerk the mouthpiece back into place and scream goodbye at the top of your lungs.
Mumble, "There's a bomb under your seat." When asked to repeat that, say "I said 'sauce smothered with meat'."
Offer to pay for the pizza with a public flogging.
Order 52 pepperoni slices prepared in a fractal pattern as follows from an equation you are about to dictate. Ask if they need paper.
Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal.
Order a one-inch pizza.
Order a slice, not a whole pizza.
Order a steamed pizza.
Order term life insurance.
Order two toppings, then say, "No, they'll start fighting."
Order while using an electric knife sharpener.
Order with a Speak-n-Spell where applicable.
Perfect a celebrity's voice. Stress that you won't take any crap from some two-bit can't-hack-it pimple-faced gofer.
Play a sitar in the background.
Psychoanalyze the order taker.
Put an extra edge in your voice when you say "crazy bread."
Put the accent on the last syllable of "pepperoni." Use the long "i" sound.
Put them on hold.
Quote Carl Sandberg.
Rattle off your order with a determined air. If they ask if you would like drinks with that, panic and become disoriented.
Rent a pizza.
Report a petty theft to the order taker.
Say "Are you sure this is (Pizza Place)? When they say yes, say "Well, so is this! You've got some explaining to do!" When they finally offer proof that it is, in fact, (Pizza Place), start to cry and ask, "Do you know what it's like to be lied to?"
Say "Kssssssssssssssht" rather loudly into the phone. Ask if they felt that.
Say hello, act stunned for five seconds, then behave as if they called you.
Say it's your anniversary and you'd appreciate if the deliverer hid behind some furniture waiting for your spouse to arrive so you can surprise him/her.
Say you'll be able to pay for this when the movie people call back.
Say, in your best pouty voice, "Last guy let me do it."
Shout "I'm through with men/women! Send me a dozen of your best, Gaston!"
Sing the order to the tune of your favorite song from Metallica's "Master of Puppets" CD.
Start the conversation by reciting today's date and saying, "This may be my last entry."
Start the conversation with "My Call to (Pizza Place), Take 1, and. . . action!"
Start your order with "I'd like. . . ". A little later, slap yourself and say "No, I don't."
State your order and say that's as far as this relationship is going to get.
Stutter on the letter "p."
Teach the order taker a scret code. Use the code on all subsequent orders.
Tell the order taker a rival pizza place is on the other line and you're going with the lowest bidder.
Tell the order taker to tell the manager to tell his supervisor he's fired.
Tell the order taker you're depressed. Get him/her to cheer you up.
Tell them to double-check to make sure your pizza is, in fact, dead.
Tell them to put the crust on top this time.
Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."
Try to talk while drinking something.
Use CB lingo where applicable.
Use expletives like "Great Caesar's Ghost" and "Jesus Joseph and Mary in Tinsel Town."
Use these bonus words in the conversation: ROBUST FREE-SPIRITED COST-EFFICIENT UKRAINIAN PUCE.
When listing toppings you want on your pizza, include another pizza.
When the order is repeated, change it slightly. When it is repeated again, change it again. On the third time, say "You just don't get it, do you?"
When they repeat your order, say "Again, with a little more OOMPH this time."
When they say "What would you like?" say, "Huh? Oh, you mean now."
When they say "Will that be all?", snicker and say "We'll find out, won't we?"
When you'ge given the price, say "Ooooooo, that sounds complicated. I hate math."
While on the phone, fake entering puberty. Fluctuate pitch often; act embarrassed.
Wonder aloud if you should trim those nose hairs.
Yell "OW!" when a bullet is fired.


SuperYvonne "Zippy" - 13 years, 5 months, 4 days ago

How to annoy your teacher!
Want to upset the learning curve? Try some of these to see how it will effect your grade!
Type every word in a different font. Alternate really big fonts with really small fonts.
Bring candles and incense to class. Before handing in the paper, perform an elaborate ceremony, entreating the gods to bless the paper and correct all your typos.
Carve your paper on the bathroom wall.
Cite issues of Spiderman and Batman as resources in your bibliography.
Come to class leading a horse or camel. When asked to turn in the paper, take it out of one of the saddlebags, then shoot the horse/camel/whatever away. Refuse to discuss it.
Compare and contrast the characters of James T. Kirk and Jean-Luc Picard. Claim that one is actually Hamlet, and the other is King Lear. Say that Worf is Ophelia.
Draw obscure connections between totally unrelated things. For example, claim that abnormal amounts of neutrino activity in Germany caused Hitler to invade France, or that the Roman empire collapsed because of a shortage of qualified botanists.
Draw pictures of your professor in the margins.
End the paper with "This paper will self-destruct in 10 seconds".
Get a large piece of paper or canvas. Smear paint all over it and hand it in as your paper. Explain that the topic was such an emotional one for you, and that mere words couldn't possibly express what you had to say.
Hand your paper in in a sealed envelope with postmarks from several different countries on it. Say that you wanted several different perspectives on your work.
If assigned a 2000-word paper, draw two pictures of what the paper was supposed to be about. After all, a picture is worth 1000 words, right?
If assigned a paper in philosophy class, explain that you can't do the paper because you're not sure if the class really exists, or if it and the professor are just illusions created by your subconscious. If you do end up writing the paper, write about whether or not the paper actually exists.
Make a footprint on the back of one of the pages. When questioned by the professor, act like it's nothing unusual. After all, he did tell you to include footnotes.
Make a tape of you singing the contents of your paper, opera- style, and hand that in.
Make your paper one long, neverending sentence that goes on for pages and pages and pages; use alot of semi-colons, commas, and other interesting, rarely-used punctuation marks [(for example), an interesting one: the colon_] but never ever end the sentence {[_-|/??!]}.
Ol, switch alound arr the l's and r's in youl papel, rike Monty Python did in Queen Erizabeth the Thild.
On the day the paper is due, skip into class, waving the paper and screaming, "I have a paper! I have a paper!". Run around the class a few times, then joyfully throw it out the window. Laugh and yell, "There's my paper!", then run outside to get it. Repeat this all through the period, or until the prof throws you out.
Paint a large white stripe down the front of your paper. Say that on the way to class, your dropped it in the street and it got run over by one of those trucks that paint lines on the road.
Perfume the paper with catnip. Explain that it was to keep your dog from eating it.
Poke several holes in the paper. Say that you were mobbed by crows on the way to class.
Print all the pages on one sheet of paper, with the text overlapping. Say that that was all the paper you had.
Put nonsense words down as quotes. Say that you are quoting the words of a well-known Zen master who was speaking in tongues at the time.
Pwetend you have a speech impediment and awways type w's whenevew you weawwy want to type r's ow l's.
Refer to all prominant historical figures by nicknames. For example, call George Washington "Georgie". Call Ben Franklin "Sparky".
Refuse to do the paper on account of the fact that you are a member of Greenpeace and strongly object to the gratuitous slaughter of trees caused by the massive amount of paper used in writing assignments.
Spill a martini on your sociology paper. Say that you wrote it in a bar so that you could see "sociology in action."
Staple a picture of an academic building to the paper. Cite the picture as a resource.
Support your thesis with quotes from your VCR manual.
Switch the names of prominent history figures with the names of your friends, classmates, etc. Claim that your roommate led the Spanish Armada.
TTyyppee eevveerryy lleetttteerr ttwwiiccee..
Tell the professor that you need an extension because one of your primary sources is an old wise man in Tibet and he won't see you until the next full moon.
The night before the paper is due, call the professor and explain that you can't turn your paper in because it contains sensitive military information and is only available on a "need to know" basis. Insist that General Schwarzkopf says you should get an 'A'.
Turn in a letter you wrote to your cousin. When the teacher confronts you about it, say that you must have gotten the letter and the paper mixed up. Say that you'll turn the paper in as soon as you get it back, but your cousin lives in Siberia, so it might take a while.(This is a nifty way to get an extension.)
Turn the paper in by making paper airplanes out of the pages of the paper and attempting to fly them onto the professor's desk.
Type gibberish. When you hand it in, claim that your computer crashed while you were printing it, and you couldn't retrieve the original.
Use a forklift to bring your paper to class, even if it's only a few pages. Explain that it involved some very heavy reading.
When writing an especially long paper, put a recipe for chocolate cake in the middle and see if the professor notices.
When your prof asks for an outline of your paper, draw the outline of the piece of paper you typed it on and hand it in.
Write a paper discussing why Michelangelo got to be a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, but Van Gogh didn't. Discuss whether Van Gogh would have used nunchakus or katanas.
Write about whether Plato would have said that Miller Light is "less filling" or that it "tastes great". Also explain why Aristotle would have taken the opposite view. Try to predict both philosphers' reactions to Spuds McKensie.
Write the entire paper on Post-it notes and turn it in by sticking them all over the professor's door.
Write your history paper on parchment, using a quill. Say that you were trying to get the feel for the period.
Write your paper by cutting out words from magazines and sticking them on the page, ransom-note style.
Write your psychology paper on possible genetic anomalies that might cause a person to prefer anchovies.


SuperYvonne "Zippy" - 13 years, 5 months, 4 days ago

How to annoy people
Annoying people can be both fun and profitable! Well maybe not profitable, and well hey, everyone will think of you as a jerk, but then, perhaps they already do! So give them reason to talk behind your back. Your reputation will precede you!
Adjust the tint on your tv so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way".
As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
Ask 800 operators for dates.
Ask people what gender they are.
Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend".
Ask to "interface" with someone.
Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles".
At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batatatatatata-suhWING-batter!"
At the Laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"
Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
Buy large quantities of mint dental floss just to lick the flavor off.
Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
Change your name to John Aaaaasmith for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each A.
Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
Construct your own pretend "tricorder", and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.
Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern Drawl.
Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complementary mints by the cash register.
Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies' "Sugar" or the Mr Rogers theme song.
Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador".
Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange.
Drive half a block.
Drum on every available surface.
Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy".
Finish the 99 bottles of beer song.
Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.
Forget the punch line to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot".
Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action in a nasal Howard Cossell voice.
Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
Honk and wave to strangers.
Incessantly recite annoying phrases, such as "sticky wicket isn't cricket."
Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ OJ Simpson conspiracy theories.
Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.
Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..."
Leave someone's printer in compressed-italic-cyrillic-landscape mode.
Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
Leave your Nine Inch Nails tape in Great Uncle Ed's stereo, with the volume properly adjusted.
Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray.
Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
Light road flares on a birthday cake.
Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing".
Make appointments for the 31st of September.
Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
Mow your lawn with scissors.
Name your dog "Dog".
Never break eye contact.
Never make eye contact.
ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.
Pay for your dinner with pennies.
Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copy warnings.
Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
Remove every line of someone's .newsrc file except the entry for alt.sex.fetish.hamster.duct-tape.
Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
Rouse your roommates from slumber each morning with Lou Reed's "Metal Machine Music".
Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".
Scuff your feet on a dry, shaggy carpet and seek out victims.
Sculpt your hedges into anatomically suggestive shapes.
Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
Set alarms for random times.
Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.
Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
Sing along at the opera.
Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".
Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
Staple papers in the middle of the page.
Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture".
Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.
Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up", and repeat.
Wander around the restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
Wear a LOT of cologne.
Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One".
Wear your pants backwards.
When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.
While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.
Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
dont use any punctuation either
only type in lowercase.


SuperYvonne "Zippy" - 13 years, 5 months, 4 days ago

Ways to annoy your Public Bathroom Stallmates
You think it is bad enough sharing the restroom with a dozen people? Imagine someone doing any of these things!!!
Stick your palm open under the stall wall and ask your neighbor, "May I borrow a highlighter?"
Before you unroll toilet paper, conspicuously lay down you "Cross-Dressors Anonymous"newsletter on the floor visiable to the adjacent stall.
Cheer and clap loudly everytime somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise
Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing "Born Free"
Drop a marble and say, "Oh no!! My glass eye!!"
Fill up a large flask with Mountian Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling,"Whoa ! Easy boy!!"
Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantelope into the toilet bowl from a high place. Sigh relaxingly.
Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall and adjust it so you can see your neighbor and say, "Peek-a-boo!"
Play a well known drum cadence over and over again on your butt cheeks
Say "Damn, this water is cold."
Say "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't put my lips on that."
Say, "Boy, that sure looks like a maggot"
Say, "C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me!!
Say, "Damn, I knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?"
Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."
Say, "Humus. Reminds me of humus."
Say, "Now how did that get there?"
Say," Interesting....more sinkers than floaters"
Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop under the stall wall of your neighbor. Then say, "Whoops, could you kick that back over here, please?


SuperYvonne "Zippy" - 13 years, 5 months, 4 days ago

How to annoy people in the elevator!
You know that feeling you get when you are in an elevator with a stranger? We all have it, and if you really want to make some points, try some of these!
Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.
Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
Blow spit bubbles.
Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers.
Bring a chair along.
Burp, and then say "mmmm...tasty!"
Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.
Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"
Do Tai Chi exercises.
Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."
Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!"
Give religious tracts to each passenger.
Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!"
Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.
If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler "Bad touch!"
Lean against the button panel.
Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol coming!"
Leave a box between the doors.
Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
Meow occassionally.
Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.
One word: Flatulence!
Play the harmonica.
Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.
Say "Ding!" at each floor.
Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.
Sell Girl Scout cookies.
Shadow box.
Shave.
Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons.
Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.
Stare at your thumb and say "I think it's getting larger."
Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"
Start a sing-along.
Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: "Wanna see wha in muh mouf?"
Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers.
Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.
When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!"
When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?"
Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.

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SuperYvonne "Zippy" - 13 years, 5 months, 4 days ago