I have been listening to this video for several weeks..remembering Him..we were both trouble for each other I think....and then out of the blue after 5 years He made contact on my Facebook page. Should I, do I dare...dare to try ...again? we have been talking every day.
Angel "Sweet Heart"Curious
- 5 years, 4 months, 7 days ago
Tuesday was suppose to be a day like any other day. Run errands a doc appointment, a mammogram, fix dinner and go to bed. But it did not go the way I planned. I arrived at the breast center for my 3 year late mammogram at 2:45. I hate those things. I had one in 2007 and six months later in 2008 and the last week. I remember now in 2009 them saying there was one spot they would be watching and to come back in a year. A year turnt to 3 and my technician finished my mammo and told me to wait in the tiny waiting area in the back. Odd I was the only one with a top drape still on..this wasn't good. The Doc came back and said there was a suspicious area they wanted to do a sonogram on and to follow the other nice lady. OK this was going nowhere fast.
The next thing I knew they let me dress and I sat alone with the Doc while he showed me my slides the change and he looked at me sternly and said we're not sure whats going on and I won't twist your arm but you either need to come back in 3 months or get a biopsy now....and I feel very strongly about this but I won't force you. I'm like WTH lets do this and get it over with why worry 3 months? Now I couldn't tell Mr Doctor I engaged in BDSM play....so their next open spot is the next AM at 8. It all seems a blur.
My Mother had an "old folks" meeting to be at with her friends to set up for the next day and my significant other could only meet me there. I had to drive alone 45 minutes to get there and drive myself home. I take Xanax as needed for stomach issues and anxiety usually stocking up as much as possible so I will have them when I need them. Mine are only .25 and I usually take 1, 2 or 3 have had as many as 6 once until now. I take 8 the equivilant to a bar on my brothers advice (our family has a high medicine threshold and this is what he takes) and drive myself to the biopsy. I actually drive pretty good on Xanax its not that feeling you get like with alcohol. Maybe I just had an angel with me and it peaked after the 45 minute drive.
They did a stereotactic biopsy taking 6 tissue samples. Think Roda Ruda Auger type. They numbed me well very well. I didn't feel pain. Thankfully Xanax is an amnesiac in higher dosages so I don't remember a lot.
I remember seeing a small window on the machine where my breast would hang through a hole that looked to be the size of a post it note and wondering how would they squish all the tissue in that? I remember the breast being washed, a tiny prick to numb, being told a cut would be made, being told more numbing meds were being added deep in and then the nurse dressing me. I am THANKFUL to only remember laying there crying and being scared to death. The fact my Mom was too busy to be there is about more than I can handle. I then remember meeting my significant other in the Docs office and seeing what the nodules looked like on the slides and that the report would be back the next day. I drove myself home with no confusion and went to sleep.
I was very greatful for a no cancer diagnosis the next afternoon. The report read Benign breast parenchyma with apocrine cysts and to follow up in 6 months. No guidance on continuing horomone replacement or not all I know its NOT cancer and I am very thankful.
I know this is the breast that I DECIDED to have needle play done on it. I can't help but wonder. I have read this stuff we do won't cause cancer but can cause cysts. I have no desire for any type of needle play, violet wand play on the beewbees anymore or breast torture. This is all now new on a hard limits list. Safe sane consentual. Do what is right for you. But be aware of the risks because they are out there and get your mammogram once a year. Angel "Sweet Heart"Curious
- 5 years, 7 months, 13 days ago
My mind is drifting its the time of year. My first intense dominant relationship ended almost exactly 4 years ago during this week. It is bringing back some moods, feelings and things I had not anticipated. This is just so wierd with my life being the way that it is right now. Why am I feeling this? Angel "Sweet Heart"Curious
- 6 years, 1 month, 17 days ago
Wow so much has changed! I stepped away from the kink community back in the fall and tried to close the door on my desires. I focused in as best I could on my faith...and on my marriage. We renewed our vows on our anniversary. I introduced hubs to a Wartenberg wheel and when he saw what it could do it opened his eyes wide. Recently he went with me to a private dungeon tour at a friends house.
There a good friend, a top/Domme, she scened with me while he watched, and he had full say in what went on. Afterwards she had him give me aftercare and a bit later had me back up and taught him how to administer different implements on me. She told me he is a natural. (even though this is not his nature he is willing to learn about my world)
I have allowed him to steer the conversation and have answered most of his questions openly and honestly giving him a little information at a time as he asked. He is already talking about next time.
It is so nice to be able to share this part of my world with him and not have him be totally opposed to it as when I had tried to bring it up in the past...but at the time he felt it was sick twisted and perverted. Which was like he was saying I was all of those things. I am amazed at his openess this last few weeks. I no longer feel fractured but complete. I made the right decision back in the fall, even as hard as it was at the time. I'm a happy girl....and I have marks to prove it ;) Angel "Sweet Heart"Curious
- 6 years, 2 months, 24 days ago
I dreamnt about him during nap time, about Jeff. Some kind of way I met him somewhere, it seemed like a condo with a lower balcony door access. We laid in bed, there was a woman between us. He told me he wanted us the females to be intimate first. We did our thing I remember details about it, he didn't participate. After that was over he said he had to go there would be no time for anything else. That he had been busted by his wife on the GPS with 2 other women and had to be careful.
I'm thinking you haven't spoke to me since May of 2008 had me meet you here for THIS? I followed him outside but could find him. His Sister was out there and said she'd get him the message. Now where did this come from out of the blue? Angel "Sweet Heart"Curious
- 6 years, 4 months, 19 days ago