My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.

Erotically Chronic Seductive - 14 years, 7 months, 3 days ago

A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, "Did you miss a step?"

"No," he answers, "I hit every one of them!"
Erotically Chronic Seductive - 14 years, 7 months, 3 days ago

So one day as a kid I was at the local Zoo. I was bored and kept pestering my Dad to go and play. Eventually he agreed, took me over to the lion enclosure, threw me in and said: "There ya go, play dead..."
Erotically Chronic Seductive - 14 years, 7 months, 3 days ago

I ain't saying the customer service in my bank is bad, but when I went in the other day and asked the clerk to check my balance...she leaned over and pushed me.

Erotically Chronic Seductive - 14 years, 7 months, 3 days ago

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.
-- Emo Philips

Erotically Chronic Seductive - 14 years, 7 months, 3 days ago