1. Energizer Bunny Arrested & Charged with Battery.
2. A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.
3. Practice safe eating -- always use condiments.
4. A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
5. Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
6. Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.
7. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
8. Corduroy pillows are making headlines.
9. Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?
10. Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
11. A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.
12. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
13. A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.
14. Without geometry, life is pointless.
15. A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
16. When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
Mike Closterman "FireStarter" Naughty - 14 years, 8 months, 14 days ago

The ULTIMATE NAUGHTY QUIZ! Copy and paste then Fill it out and send it to me in a message, and repost to see what people put for you!
OK PEOPLE PLEASE FILL THIS OUT ... I AM CURIOUS TO KNOW :)

1. Your Name:

2. Age:

3. Dick/Boob Size:

4. Favorite position (s) ?

5. Do you think i'm hot?

6. Would you have sex with me?

7. lights on or off?

8. Would you have to be drunk?

9. Would you take a shower with me?

10. Have you ever thought about having sex with me?

11. Would you leave after or stay the night?

12. Do you like cuddling afterwards?

13. Condom or skin?

14. Do you give Oral pleasures?

15. Do you like to recieve Oral Pleasures?

16. Have sex on the first date?

17. Would you kiss me during sex?

18. Do you think I would be good in bed?

19. Would u have a 3-some with me?

20. How many times would you like to cum?

21. Would you use me as a booty call?

22. Do you like fore play?

23. What is fore play to you?

24. Can we take pictures of the act?

25. Would you send me nude pics if I gave you my email?

26. Who would be in control?

27. Would you pull my hair?

28. Would you let me pull yours?

29. Would you whisper in my ear?

30. Would you talk dirty to me?

31. Would you kiss me with a little tongue or a lot of tongue?

32. Would you say my name?

33. Would u give me head/eat me out?

34. Would you let me give you a hickie?

35. How many rounds would we go?

36. What would you wanna do afterwards?

37. Would you take off all your clothes then take mine off slowly?

38. Would you lick and bite me all over?

39. Would you like to play or get straight to the point?

40. Would you want me to take my time?

41. How freaky are you, 1 - 10?

42. Would you want fast or slow?

43. Would you be loud or quiet?

44. Would you want me to be loud or quiet?

45. Would you do it today?

46. Would you do it tomorrow?

47. Would u wanna make me moan?

48. What position would u ........ want me to have u in?

49.Would u fuck me hard?

Mike Closterman "FireStarter" Naughty - 15 years, 1 month, 3 days ago

You Are What You Drive...

Three guys die and end up at the gates of heaven, talking to St. Peter.
"So," Peter asks the first guy, "how many times did you cheat on your wife?"
"None. I had a perfect marriage."
"Great," says Peter. "You get to cruise around heaven in a Mercedes. And you, how many times did you cheat on your wife"
"Only twice, I think," says the second guy.
"Okay. You get to cruise around heaven in a Cadillac. And you, how many times did you cheat on your wife?"
"12 times. Maybe 13," says the third guy.
"Okay," says Peter. "You get a rusty Ford."
Later that day, the guy in the Cadillac sees the guy in the Mercedes crying.
"What`s wrong?"
"I just saw my wife and she was riding a skateboard!"
Mike Closterman "FireStarter" Naughty - 15 years, 9 months, 8 days ago

English is the most widely used language in the history of our planet. One in every 7 humans can speak it. More than half of the world's books and 3 quarters of international mail is in English. Of all the languages,it has the largest vocabulary - perhaps as many as 2 MILLION words. Nonetheless, let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices?

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend, that you comb thru annals of history but not a single annal? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preacher praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? If you wrote a letter, perhaps you bote your tongue?

Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and wise guy are opposites? How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite a lot and quite a few are alike? How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?

Have you noticed that we talk about certain things only when they are absent? Have you ever seen a horseful carriage or a strapful gown? Met a sung hero or experienced requited love? Have you ever run into someone who was combobulated, gruntled, ruly or peccable? And where are all those people who ARE spring chickens or who would ACTUALLY hurt a fly?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm clock goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn't a race at all). That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it.
Mike Closterman "FireStarter" Naughty - 15 years, 10 months, 26 days ago

Science and Religion...

The following is supposedly an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues...here it is for your reading pleasure.
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.
The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct...leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a divine being...
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A"
Mike Closterman "FireStarter" Naughty - 16 years, 7 days ago