I hate being tired like this. 8:30 in the morning, everyone has left work while I am left here staring into nothingness. Falling asleep as I type away, yeah that's how bad it is. I'm especially lonely and it's not helping either. The winter I believe has finally set in and I already wish it would go away. It's the way of life I guess..will have to do with it until it's over. I'm not too sure how things are becoming for me now. It seems better, but I know once I start assuming or feeling good it will all end up disappearing somehow..some way. That's how my luck is. I'm not trying to down myself or think pessimisstically, but in all honesty i've noticed that's how it has been. I'm not too sure really. Right now I am at loss for words. Speaking of in an earlier conversation...I miss the Spring days when it would rain lightly or when we would have those outragously ginormous thunderstorms...taking a nap in the middle of the day with the windows open in my room, just listening and imagining..it was so peaceful and now all I can hear are the birds chirping and a large abundance of vehicles passing by. I don't think my dad could have picked a busier area to move too...I miss the ol' days I wish they would come back to me.
Jesime "Belle~de~Gloom~" Adored - 16 years, 8 days ago

I want to be taken away from all of this undying pain..
Someone please hold me and let me know that it will be alright.
I want someone who won't give up on me
and won't leave without a fight.



Jesime "Belle~de~Gloom~" Adored - 16 years, 12 days ago

Tear me a part, rip my heart to shreds, do whatever you'd like, but I still want to beg. Do you love me? I don't think that you care, but look me deep into my eyes, hold me close and never let me go. I like it better that way. If it's something you want, and that desire has not yet been filled, just pull me by my hair tell me you want it and i'll be glad to fulfill. If your going to leave just don't tell me, because i'm better off. I'd rather not know. Body, heart, mind and soul is out of reach there is no explanation to teach to me. I can feel a change not back to the past but to something even better. It's something you would understand, but I don't...I don't.. i'm not just going to cut myself frewillingly you can't just expect to have it all, but for some reason I can't stop myself even though I can always see that something is wrong. Is it always me? I feel it every day, I can't get it to go away I want it too bad. I know I can have it, but in the back of my mind not for too much longer, can't you seem to forgive me? or do you like this torture you hand to me.? Oddly enough I kind of like it too, but the people here they wouldn't understand...what the fuck is wrong with me???....Do you understand what I am saying?
Jesime "Belle~de~Gloom~" Adored - 16 years, 20 days ago

A story to good to be true is hard to have written out of your own mind. The thoughts, the disaster,...the pain. All of it built up inside you can feel it deep within you, but no way to let it out. Is it fear that no one will understand? Is it fear that no one will believe you?....or how would they look at you? It's killing you because it would be such a phenominal outlook and a true inspiring read. Such a creative soul and imaginative mind just left there to die and leaving everyone questioning why? All you want is to be heard and no one cares to listen, no one cares to fight for you. rights, there no longer a factor it's only a memory of the past. So full of inspiration, the love, romance, how he makes you feel helpless, the way he looks at you and tells you that he'll never let you go. They walk around you like you don't exist, and go on with there life. showing no emotion you wonder what the hell is this just a game?..by no means don't teach the young heart what to believe and what she shouldn't see, because she has saw it all. As her heart fills with pain she hides in the dark, running in circles...pacing back and forth trying to remember that it's all just a game, it's all just a dream. So beautiful everyone has let go. Is anyone still holding on?
Jesime "Belle~de~Gloom~" Adored - 16 years, 26 days ago